I would like to you all that I have been doing really well adjusting to my new life in Africa, that everyday I am blissfully happy, that I have not struggled in the slightest, but than I would be lying. It has been hard. It was not easy packing up my life and I was not under the illusion that once I reached Rwanda it would be any easier. I have been struggling with something’s since arriving, some things to be expected, while others were a bit of surprise; most recently I have been struggling with what my role will be here in Africa. I packed up my life, said goodbye to family and friends, headed to a place I had been for only two days prior, with absolutely no idea what I was going to do once I got there. So when I finally arrived after months of anticipation the question still remained, what am I going to do here?
Tara has started this awesome business called No.41 and immediately Alison jumped in on it ready to help in anyway (and she has!). They are doing something big, something wonderful that will not only help others, but also glorifies God. Watching these girls use their passions, gifts, and skills to make No.41 a reality has been amazing while all at the same time I found myself feeling a bit jealous and thinking, well what about me? I am not crafty and don’t feel that No.41 is my place, so where does that leave me? What could I possible do that is big, that could help others and glorify God? Everyday these questions pop into my mind and everyday I must remind myself, that I am no one. That I am merely a “mist that appears for a little while and than vanishes”, but God wants and can use me. I don't need to be able, I don’t need to hold some special or unique skill, I just need to be wiling. Luke 35 “Then Jesus asked them, ‘When I sent you without purse, bag, or sandals, did you lack anything?’ ‘Nothing,’ they answered.” Christ always provided for His disciples with what they needed, with what necessary for them to complete the tasks appointed to them by God, and like the disciples, He will also always provide for me. Not just tangible things, but with thought, ideas, all the necessities, to carry out whatever He desires me to do.
The orphanage is where I feel I fit, but I don’t know how to make an impact. Proverbs 22:6 “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Psalms 78:4-6 “We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he had done. He decreed status for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. They would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.” Luke 22:26, 27 “The greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves….I am among you who serves.” That is what Christ did when He was on the earth, He served, He taught, He loved.
Every single verse I did not seek out to read, I opened my bible and read my morning chapters, and these were the verses God presented to me. God provided His answers to the questions I have been having, “Who am I? What could I possibly do? How am I going to know what to do? I don’t have a business mind, I rarely think ahead. All of this worrying, wondering and for what? The verses that I read today, these are things that I can do right now. This is what I am to do. I don’t need to worry about what my time in Africa will hold. Just as God knew He would lead me to Rwanda He knows what my time here will hold. He will present the opportunities with open doors and lead me through each one. It has nothing to do with what I can or can not do, it has nothing to do with whether or not I am creative or business minded, it has to do with the fact that I serve a powerful, all knowing God who knows me, who knows the desires of my heart and who has plans for me, plans to use me, plans to prosper me, plans for my future. That is comfort, that is reassurance.