Uncomfortable

"How is it being back?" That is how I have been greeted for the past several weeks. I wasn't exactly sure how I felt so I just responded with a, "It's good, but also a little weird." I mean I know I have feelings, but labeling them is where it get's tricky, so why not just call it weird?

Well "weird" wasn't it. What I should have been calling it? Uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable. America has so much stuff. And we consume it like air. Why? Because we can. Americans have a more is better mentality and as a result we often get what we need confused with what we want. But just because we can indulge, spend, and consume, and be comfortable, doesn't mean we should. 

Before Rwanda I had a real problem and that problem was clothes. I have two dressers, a drawer under my bed, a closest and my sisters old closet. Each and every one of those things were overflowing. There is something very wrong with that. I discarded a lot before I left but I still have a ways to go. Do I still love clothes? Dur. I'm a girl and I like to look decent occasionally. But I resist that cute dress because it's a thing that I don't need, because I already have more than one, because I know my money can be better spent. Clothes are things. I will survive with out two dressers, a drawer and two closets full of things. 

I was not created to hoard and consume a mass amount for things. How can I be sure of this? Because Jesus didn't. He didn't make and spend his money on earthly things, toss a coin at that homeless guy, and call it day. Because that is not enough! Jesus had the clothes on his back, the sandals on his feet, and that was enough. He didn't have a place to lay his head or call his home, because He knew his citizenship was not here on this earth, but in heaven with his Father, so he didn't complain. He called His disciples to the same life. They left everything. They didn't place value on their things. They didn't place value on being comfortable. 

I am not a Christian. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, and as His disciple I am called to live differently, generously, in love. The whole "leave everything" should have been my clue but it wasn't until this last year that I realized the key ingredient to this life, to being a true disciple, is to live simply.

I have been living simply for the last year, but I knew coming home it would be a lot more difficult to continue this life style. Difficult, not impossible. Not easy, but worth it. In preparation I started reading "7" by Jen Hatmaker. Today I got to her "spending" chapter and read this little beauty:

"What if we are actually called to a radical life? What if Jesus knew our Christian culture would design a lovely template complete with all the privileges and exemptions we want, but even with that widespread approval, He still expected radical simplicity, radical generosity, radical obedience from those with ears to hear, eyes to see?" 

I am uncomfortable and I praise God for that, because that is exactly how I believe He wants us to feel. I am uncomfortable with spending. I am uncomfortable with laziness. I am uncomfortable with being selfish. I am uncomfortable with complaining. I am more uncomfortable with the general idea of comfort. 

This is not all to say that I don't do these things. I still watch movies in my monogramed onezie. sometimes I don't want to do anything, and if I do it's for my self. I had to eat cottage cheese today (enough said). I am not as good at being uncomfortable in every area as Christ was, but I want to try. I am a sinner, but I want to be transformed. I want to fight against it all and be even more uncomfortable. So, starting in July I will be doing my own "7".