This was another hard post to write, and may be hard for some to read, but I believe it was necessary for me to share because it is apart of my journey in following God’s calling to Rwanda. I also want to be honest and share with you how God is working in my life and the things He is revealing to me.
Since I have returned home I have struggled with being here. Not only because I am away from kids that I have formed relationships with but because of the reaction I received.
As I was getting on the plane for home I kept over hearing team members say how hard it was going to be. Because I knew it was only a matter time before God allowed me to return I didn’t think it would be that hard. How foolish of me. I was hit with reality as soon as the plane landed and I met my Dad at the airport. While in Ethiopia my team member John was gracious enough to let me use his laptop to send a message to my parents and tell them I have some big/exciting new and to prepare themselves. The first thing my Dad asked me when we got into the car was, “So what’s your big/exciting new.” Some of their theories; I had met someone. I was engaged. I was going to be nun. I was going to move. As most of you know the answer to the question As soon as I told my Dad this I got a serious of questions, the biggest being why. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t come home thinking everyone would get it. I knew they wouldn’t because they didn’t see and experience Africa as I did. I understood and accepted their concerns. It is only natural. What I didn’t expect were the people I care about the most seemed the most intent on 1. Trying to convince me not to go 2. Not trusting that God would keep me safe. I thought these people would understand this was not something that I planned, but it also wasn’t something I was doing on a whim because I “felt bad” about what I saw. This, moving to Rwanda, is something God is telling, me to do. To listen to those that love me and remain here in the states would be a deliberate disobedience to my heavenly father. God did bless me with so many people that love and care about me but ultimately God has my best interest in mind. He knows what I need, what I desire, He has created a plan for my life to bring glory to Him! I am not special, I don’t have any unique talents or gifts, but I am the daughter of an all powerful, all knowing, loving God who works in and through me. I am living my life for God and will continue to do so despite others objections and/or concerns.
Since I have returned home I have struggled with being here. Not only because I am away from kids that I have formed relationships with but because of the reaction I received.
As I was getting on the plane for home I kept over hearing team members say how hard it was going to be. Because I knew it was only a matter time before God allowed me to return I didn’t think it would be that hard. How foolish of me. I was hit with reality as soon as the plane landed and I met my Dad at the airport. While in Ethiopia my team member John was gracious enough to let me use his laptop to send a message to my parents and tell them I have some big/exciting new and to prepare themselves. The first thing my Dad asked me when we got into the car was, “So what’s your big/exciting new.” Some of their theories; I had met someone. I was engaged. I was going to be nun. I was going to move. As most of you know the answer to the question As soon as I told my Dad this I got a serious of questions, the biggest being why. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t come home thinking everyone would get it. I knew they wouldn’t because they didn’t see and experience Africa as I did. I understood and accepted their concerns. It is only natural. What I didn’t expect were the people I care about the most seemed the most intent on 1. Trying to convince me not to go 2. Not trusting that God would keep me safe. I thought these people would understand this was not something that I planned, but it also wasn’t something I was doing on a whim because I “felt bad” about what I saw. This, moving to Rwanda, is something God is telling, me to do. To listen to those that love me and remain here in the states would be a deliberate disobedience to my heavenly father. God did bless me with so many people that love and care about me but ultimately God has my best interest in mind. He knows what I need, what I desire, He has created a plan for my life to bring glory to Him! I am not special, I don’t have any unique talents or gifts, but I am the daughter of an all powerful, all knowing, loving God who works in and through me. I am living my life for God and will continue to do so despite others objections and/or concerns.
This week, one night in particular, I was really struggling with everyone’s comments. I opened up my Bible to Matthew chapter 16. When I read verses 21-23 I had to stop and thank God. Matthew chapter 16:21-23 reads From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!” Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.” In my application part I read, “Great temptations can come from those who love us and seek to protect us. Be cautious of advice from a friends who says, “Surely God doesn’t want you to face this.” Often our most difficult temptations come form those who are only trying to protect us from discomfort. Could God not have planned that reading any better?!
So I know many of you may be concerned, and I appreciate how much you care and love me, but you need to understand this is 100% a God thing. Because I know without a shadow of doubt that God is calling me to Rwanda I have no fear what so ever and neither should you. I think we tend to rely too much on outside help, such as guns, deadbolts, security system, police men etc. that we forgot God is bigger than all these things and people. He is the ultimate protector.
So I know many of you may be concerned, and I appreciate how much you care and love me, but you need to understand this is 100% a God thing. Because I know without a shadow of doubt that God is calling me to Rwanda I have no fear what so ever and neither should you. I think we tend to rely too much on outside help, such as guns, deadbolts, security system, police men etc. that we forgot God is bigger than all these things and people. He is the ultimate protector.
Please understand this post was not aimed or directed at anyone in particular. This is something that I have just been struggling with and God is helping me through. Also please understand that I do have many people that support me, most of the people who originally objected have finally accepted that this is Gods plan for my life, and those that haven’t I will continue praying that God would open their eyes and hearts. If you could pray with me that would be awesome!
Thank you all for continuing to read and joining me on this new journey. There is still one more orphanage that I have to write about and than I don't know what but God certainly does and I'm excited to see and share what that is.
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