Trial? Oh Joy.

I’ve always had a pretty cushy life. I really haven’t gone through many struggles or had to deal with tough situations. I used to wonder why, after all the first verse I memorized was James 1:2,3 “Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” So being the child that I was, I used to imagine the horrible things that I would have to face in the future as a result. Well 21 years later and thinking back the most difficult times I’ve encountered (that I can remember, honestly people, think Dory from Finding Nemo) have been the few interactions I’ve had with the boys I’ve fancied. In hindsight I was just being a dumb immature girl (and lets be honest, they were being a little dumb too) To get over these huge monumental hurtles I would do the typical girl thing; have a good cry, complain to my best friend, eat about 20 chocolate chip cookies, dream of the romantic gestures he would do to rectify the BIG mistake that he just made, a few days would pass before I would realize that wasn’t going to happen, and eventually my heart would heal and I would find something else pretty to look at….kidding, sort of.
But I’m not writing today to tell you about my failed attempts at dating (or lack there of), rather I am here to tell you what a dummy I was thinking those moments were “struggles/hurdles/trials. Because, well folks, you guessed it, the real-deal-biggest-trial-yet has arrived and is currently in full swing making me long for those blissful days when my biggest concern was that one boy that didn’t like me back.
Originally when this trial made its ugly appearance I relied slowly on myself which only resulted in a very mean, ugly, and depressed version of the lovely lady that is currently typing the poetic words before you. I didn’t know how to deal and instead of actually doing that one thing that made sense aka turning to God I curled up in a ball with a “why me, why now” attitude. Lovely. It took me a couple of days to crawl out of the ball and finally reach for the book with all the answers. I spent hours reading and praying and through out that time I felt God slowly lifting that burden off my back and placing it on His own. I felt Him wrap His arms around me, reminding me that I am not alone, I will never be alone. God’s got it, He has it under control. I actually felt the truth from James 1:2,3 come alive.
Some verses that really stuck out during my alone time;
Isaiah 43:2-4 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, now will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior”
1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you.
Phillippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hears and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are!
1 John 5:3,4 This is love: to obey His commands. And His commands are NOT burdensome for everyone born of God overcomes the world!
I am still dealing with this trial, it’s not easy and definitely not fun, but I do find joy in the fact that through this trial I feel closer to God and His truth. I am wrapped in His arms and that is where I will remain.


  1. Trials are def no fun, and it's always weird to think back to what our previous definitions of difficult times were. But, you'll make it through this. Rely on Him, just like you're doing. :) I hope it passes quickly!

  2. Like Dori: "Just keep swimming, just keeping swimming!" And thank you for your service in Rwanda. I spent a year in Ethiopia before attending medical school and I miss it so dearly! While I was there, I definitely cried and wanted to go home, but when you're back Stateside, you will miss all of the wonderful things about Rwanda and the people there, and eventually it will be hard to say what was so rough about it all. :) I'll keep you in my prayers.

  3. BEAUTIFUL! Maybe I just needed to find your blog today or something because I'm getting so much personal benefit from all your posts. I love that your personality comes through in your writing. I just think you are great, and I don't even know you. But back to YOU... I hope that you continue to find the strength you need through this hard time. I've been through several hard times in my life so I know the exact feeling of drawing on any strength you can find. I'm really impressed with your faith. Hang in there! :)